bad decisions.

It feels like every time I take an unintended hiatus from this blog, I come back eventually trying to get out of a burnout or bad spell. It is what it is, I guess – and I’ll be the first to admit that the Diabetes Online Community/other people’s blogs/this blog is how I pull myself out of a rut (no matter how deep) and set myself back on track.

I’ve been making bad decisions lately. Some of them very unconscious decisions (mistakes?). Some of them, like last night, thought out. I’m not going to hash out every lingering high, forgotten meter, or untested blood sugar I’ve had. We all have them. It’s life. Diabetes just hasn’t been on the forefront for me recently, and I’m finding it easy to talk myself out of doing the right thing.

I had high blood sugars yesterday — with a hunch they were due to bad insulin after a kayaking trip on Saturday (took me way too long to figure this out. I’m not being proactive enough). I felt like crap all day. When I found myself with a blood sugar of 300 right before dinner, I knew I should have either 1. waited, or 2. eaten a low carb meal. But, I was feeling (oddly) okay despite the morning’s high sugars, and I was feeling rather defeated my diabetes (and was with very special people at a very special place). I ignored what  I knew I should do, took a shit-ton (true measurement) of insulin figuring it would be more than enough, upped my basal, and ate a burger.

Burger was damn good, but not worth it.

I was hovering around 400 mg/dl all night. I changed my pump set (whoa! proactive!), but still spent almost 9 hours at extremely high levels. I’m absolutely exhausted today. My muscles ache and my head is throbbing. It’s what I get for eating something that I know makes me high when I’m already high.

Food seems to be the bane of my existence recently — my relationship with it is very frustrating.

My point? I don’t know. I need to reconnect. I need to re-establish my smart thinking. I need to get myself in order. I’m excited to have just signed up for the 5th Annual Diabetes Blog Week to get myself back into the swing of things. I appreciate all of you who resist the urge to judge me. I’m already beating myself up enough as it is. Welcome to the wonderful world of diabetes.

have you ever been tested for diabetes?

My work decided to switch our insurance companies in July. I can’t shouldn’t complain too much, but I will anyways. With my previous insurance company, my Durable Medical Equipment (so, most of my diabetes supplies) was covered at 100%. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!! Now I’m paying 20% out of pocket for everything (with higher co-pays for scripts). I know, I know. I’m happy for the time I had with 100% coverage, I’m super happy I still have insurance, and I’m so lucky that my employer pays my insurance premiums.

With this new insurance company, there is some sort of convoluted way that I am able to get my deductible waved for my diabetes supplies. That’s a plus! The first thing I had to do to make this happen was have a bio metric screening — I fasted and they tested all of my vitals, cholesterol, BMI, and yes, blood sugar. I was 150 mg/dl at the time of the test. And there was no spot for the CNA who was performing the test to write down that I already know I have type one diabetes.

So yesterday, I get a call from my insurance company. The lady wanted to enroll me in a “Condition Care Program” to help me understand my condition (and also, I think, a step in getting my deductible waved). But then, she asked me if I’d ever been tested for diabetes. Poor, innocent lady (to have been talking to a sarcastic PWD like me) – but I couldn’t help but laugh at her. I was then asked questions such as: Have you experienced symptoms of low blood sugar in the past week? (Yes.) Have you experienced symptoms of high blood sugar in the past week? (Yes.) Oh, wow, OK — do you normally experience both multiple times in a week, or has this been a stressful week? (Feel sugar creeping up out of frustration. No ma’am, I have type one diabetes, my blood sugars are never just 80-120). Do you follow a diabetic diet? (Ma’am, I don’t know what that is. Apparently it’s when you don’t eat white food or many carbs. Hmm.)

Why do I get so frustrated with things like this? The people I talked to don’t seem to understand diabetes at all. Some of their questions seem absolutely absurd, but I’m sure they’re meant to figure out how individuals deal with diabetes/what they know about their condition/what kind of assistance they might benefit from. But I can’t ever see myself willingly talking to one of these nurses in the future, I guess because I already have a diabetes care team that I love. Who knows, though. I hope I’m wrong. I hope that I utilize this possibly amazing tool to its fullest extent and my a1c drops a half point. I’ll need to convince them first, though, that it’s not that weird to feel both high *and* low in one week.

puddle of insulin.

[ Quick Note: I’m currently switching between a few different pumps due to (1) insurance woes.. that are now settled.. and (2), having a surplus of  oooold Medtronic supplies that I’m trying to use up before I have to send back my loaner pump in August. So right now, I’m using the Medtronic loaner pump, a new Animas, and a new Omnipod that I purchased out of pocket. I feel like  a pump pimp. This should probably be a blog post in and of itself. /’quick’ note.]

For 14.5 years, I have been sporting a tubed pump. I’ve worn it with dresses, skirts, bathing suits, and with my wedding dress. I’ve figured out how to most comfortably (to me) wear a tubed pump with these sorts of outfits, and I’ve figured out how to give myself insulin with a pump clipped to my undies (basically, you have to not care about how weird you look as a pump drops to your feet after you MacGyver it off of the waistband of your underwear).

But then, I was introduced to a tubeless pump! My first trial with the Omipod, I wasn’t so impressed. But I was recently given the opportunity to purchase one for $199 via Insulet’s Cut the Cord program (if you’re interested – contact Insulet to see if you are eligible and if this program is still going on). I absolutely LOVE the freedom and the smaller pods. On the flip side, though – I love my tubed pump for it’s familiarity and convenience (always attached to your body while Omnipod PDM is not). So currently, I try to think ahead while I’m changing my pump set, and insert either the Omnipod or a tubed pump – based on what the next few days’ activities consist of. Most of the time, planning ahead works, and I’m happy with my pump choice. This past Friday, though I didn’t plan ahead, and I COULDN’T STAND wearing my Animas with a dress, knowing that the Omnipod was just sitting there, waiting for me in the drawer.

So instead of torturing myself, I decided to use my Omnipod for the weekend. I could just take the insulin out of the Animas cartridge and use it in my new pod (not medical advice). Every drop counts. I’d gotten really good at doing this very same thing with Medtronic reservoirs. Turns out, I’ve got some learning to do with Animas.

Because that there folks is 66 units of perfectly good insulin puddled on my kitchen table. Did I think about sucking it up with a reservoir? Sure did. Instead, I wiped it up, proceeded with the pump change, and smelt like band-aids for my night out with friends.

glucose tabs expire.

Can’t find an expiration date, but I’d say these are done-zo. I don’t even know how long they’ve been in my car. Long enough to become spotted. Looks like I’ll be making a trip to get some fresh ones since I left my regular jar of gluc at home.

sensationalism!

I’m participating in the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge (#HAWMC) with WEGO Health during the month of April. I’ll be writing (somewhere around) 30 posts in 30 days based on the prompts they supply. Learn more here. Wish me luck!

Today’s prompt: Sensationalize! Share a ludicrous headline or cure. Do a news search and choose a ridiculous headline or proposed cure about your condition and write what you think about it. Can’t find one? Write your own.

CINNAMON LOWERS BLOOD SUGARS, POSSIBLE CURE FOR DIABETES!

Only, I had beer with cinnamon in it last night, and my blood sugar got high.

The problem with this sensationalized headline is that people think I can use cinnamon instead of insulin. I bolus for a high bg in public and they’re like “But really, why don’t you just eat cinnamon bark?” Because cinnamon isn’t insulin, and I’m a type 1 diabetic.

Does cinnamon work for type 1 or 2 diabetes? I’m not sure. I’ve never tried it, so I can’t speak to it’s effectiveness on a personal level. It might actually work in addition to other regimens for some folks, but at this point in my life, I don’t really care to find out. The problem I have is people thinking that I can use spices, natural remedies and essential oils as a substitute for insulin. That if I just try one of these out, I’ll probably not have ‘the bad kind’ anymore. Like I’m some stubborn adult who just enjoys riding the blood sugar roller coaster all day.

Le sigh. If only this was a choice.