Freaky Friday – #DBlog Week, Day 5

Just like in the movie, today we’re doing a swap. If you could switch chronic diseases, which one would you choose to deal with instead of diabetes? And while we’re considering other chronic conditions, do you think your participation in the DOC has affected how you treat friends and acquaintances with other medical conditions? (Thanks to Jane of Jane K. Dickinson, RN, PhD, CDE and Bob of T Minus Two for this topic suggestion.)

I’ve been thinking about this one for a few days now, and I still don’t really have an answer. I guess what I would say is that I wouldn’t want to trade chronic diseases with anyone. Saying that almost feels like I’m saying what someone else deals with on a daily basis is easier or more difficult than what I do. And I just don’t think that’s the case – each chronic illness has it’s own intricacies, difficulties and heartaches. Not to mention, I wouldn’t wish diabetes on my worst enemy.  I don’t have many words for what I’m trying to explain. Diseases.just.suck.
One sidenote though – I do have a really good friend who has multiple sclerosis. Shorty, I’m not saying I want to trade chronic illnesses with you, because we rock out at the front row of Avett Brother shows and drink beer together with our own chronic diseases.. BUT, I’ll be on the radio for a day.  I’d also like to be able to rap for a day. OK? Thanks. Also I love you and you rock for just being you.

As far as the second part of this prompt is concerned? Yes. I do think that my participation in the DOC has affected how I treat others with medical conditions. Beyond that, having this disease has affected how I treat anyone. Diabetes is a pretty invisible disease, and most people don’t see when I’m struggling. It’s made me realize that everyone is always fighting their own battle – and I can totally relate.

Accomplishments, Big & Small – #DBlog Week, Day 4

We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you’ve made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small – think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.). (Thanks to Hilary of Rainie and Me for this topic suggestion.)

I’ve had type 1 diabetes for almost 16 years now. Hanging out with friends last night, we were discussing the importance of self affirmation and seeking out the positives within yourself. So instead of picking just one accomplishment, I’ll name a few small ones.

• Accepting my diabetes, and almost becoming proud of it on some days.
• Not being afraid to tell people about my disease.
• Starting the insulin pump, trying new pumps (scary), and starting on two different CGMs.
• Sticking with a daily routine. There was a time in my life I rarely tested my sugar. Now it’s odd if I test like than 6-8 times, sometimes more.
• Finally getting my A1C to hang out in the 6′s.
• Living almost 16 years complication free.
• Finding a new endo when I felt I was outgrowing my old one.
• Standing up for myself to medical professionals, insurance companies, and strangers.
• Starting my blog.
• Seeking out the support of others with diabetes.
• Simply put – just making my health a top priority in my life. It sounds so easy, but it just wasn’t the case for me for a while.

Memories – #DBlog Week, Day 3

Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere…. your or your loved one’s diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share. (Thanks to Jasmine of Silver-Lined for this topic suggestion.)

“I’m never getting married.”
“Who would want to spend the rest of their lives dealing with low blood sugars?”
“No one will ever think I’m sexy with a pump attached to me.”
“They won’t stick around because they’ll think I’m sick and I’ll die soon.”

Every single one of these thoughts has crossed my mind at some point or another in my lifetime. I was, after all, dumped in 7th grade because of my diabetes. But then, years later, I met him.

Yes, I had dated prior to him.. but nothing that I thought would last. Obviously, those guys weren’t the right person for me – but a lot of my doubts came from the fear of someone not being able to love me and accept me and understand my disease. I honestly couldn’t fathom anyone choosing to have diabetes intrude on their lives each and every day if they didn’t have to. I wasn’t able to imagine myself burdening anyone with my diabetes. I didn’t want anyone to have to live with the consequences of my high blood sugars. I still don’t.

But after getting to know him, even just a little bit – I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see what could bloom. The first few times we saw each other, I didn’t reveal that I had diabetes. At that point in my life, I wasn’t taking care of myself as well as I should have – so it was much easier to  hide than it would be now. I knew I needed to tell him though, and give him the opportunity to walk away.

We were at my house cooking dinner when I decided to drop the diabetes bomb. I sat him down at the table and explained to him as best as I could – what diabetes is, what I do to take care of myself, the fact that I’ll have it the rest of my life. A few nods of his head and a couple questions later, he was ready to get back to cooking. It seemed like nothing to him.

What I learned later is that when he went home that night, he did research. He learned about the complications I could face and more about what everyday life is like. And then, he didn’t walk away.

He’s been by my side ever since, cheering me on, helping me out of bad lows (while helping himself to glucose tablet ‘candy’), changing my pump sets and soothing my fears. He’s a huge reason I’m in such good control today. He’s knowledgeable, patient and compassionate. He gets more excited about seeing a PWD in the wild than I do sometimes. He has become my biggest supporter and my best friend. He helps me laugh about this disease, and he lets me cry.

So, what seemed like a very scary diabetes moment (telling someone I wanted to be with about my chronic disease) turned into something I could never imagine, and I’m so thankful that I faced my fears.

Now he’s with me just as long as diabetes is. Thank you, husband, for sticking by my side – always.

We, The Undersigned – #DBlog Week, Day 2

Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) – get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change? (Thanks to Briley of inDpendence for this topic suggestion.)

My dog (one of my dogs) is not the smartest dog in the world. But, I’d like to make her try to be. I will liken her to the ‘simple’ dog described in this amazing post by Allie at Hyperbole and a Half. She is a 4 year old lab named Mellow. Her pastimes include tennis balls, chasing reflections of light, tennis balls, laying her head in your lap, getting in the bathtub, and eating treats. Oh, and tennis balls. Because she’s so awesome but not quite as smart as she is awesome, I’d like to create a petition for her to reach deep down inside her brain and find an innate ability to become a natural diabetes alert dog. Yes, I do already have a CGM.. but she’s cuter than my CGM, and it would be badass.

She sort-of looks like she could be a diabetic alert dog.

She can wear a backpack to carry all my supplies. But it makes her walk sideways.

She gets along with pancrei.

She barks, which could be an alert. She also whines, which could be another type of alert. Or it could mean she just can’t find her tennis ball.

She’s had a seizure before, so she can relate (one of the scarier moments of my life).

Since she likes tennis balls, I could probably teach her to fetch my supplies.

But when I tell her “Hey, I’m low. This is what I smell like when I’m low (I think that’s how they detect it).. so remember that for next time,” all she does is lick my face. Or try to shake. So she’s not quite there yet.

So we, the undersigned – the family and friends of Mellow Mel-Dash-O Yellow (her full name) petition her (Ms. Mellow) to do something besides fetch balls and reveal an undiscovered talent of sniffing out high and low blood sugars, thus performing the duties of a certified diabetes alert dog.

 I might be biased, but which would you rather have tell you you’re 250 with double arrows up??

Share & Don’t Share – #DBlog Week, Day 1

This is my first year participating in an awesome thing called #DBlog Week – where a bunch of bloggers from all over write about diabetes using daily prompts for an entire week. You can find out more over at bittersweetdiabetes.com  (and even participate)! I’m so excited to read the other posts and discover more blogs (sorry husband – I’ll be glued to my computer this week).

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one’s daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don’t see?  (Thanks to Melissa Lee of Sweetly Voiced for this topic suggestion.)

{Editor’s Note: I sort-of expanded this to also include what do I want my endo to know about my doctor’s visits. Actually, I just got really gung-ho and started writing about that before going back and re-reading the prompt and realizing I was a bit off. I cannot tell a lie.}

I don’t think my endo knows I blog. I feel a little weird saying “Oh hey and guess what, I’ve been blogging.” It’s a little more relevant than telling her that “Oh hey and guess what, I’ve started driving stick shift,” but it still doesn’t seem to just come up in conversation. I haven’t started learning stick shift, either, but I’d like to (for fun, not for everyday.. as I think it would greatly increase my chances of being involved in an accident.)

BUT, now that my endo is hypothetically reading my blog for one day, and one day only, there are a few things I would like to tell her about my daily life AND what I’d like her to know about the 15 minutes she see’s me every visit (luckily, I really do feel like she ‘gets it’ on some levels – her husband it a type 1).

• Sometimes, I just need to cry. I’m sorry it has to be in your office when you’ve got six other patients waiting to see you. I know it’s weird that I even cry if my A1C is good, but OH THE PRESSURE of waiting for that stupid, stupid little number.
• I know you’ll give me a printout of the basic things we might have talked about that day, but I will still write it down. Every. Little. Detail. And I’ll ask questions.  Because, in order to take care of myself, that’s how I have to be. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), you don’t live with me – and I’m ultimately responsible for getting this shit right. Or at least trying my hardest to.
• Tell it to me straight up (now there’s Paula Abdul in my head). I’d like to know all there is to know about a medication I’m starting (or stopping), a blood test I’m taking, a complication I might be facing. I don’t want to have to go home and find scary things on the internet about these things. Then I’ll be e-mailing you for days on end, so it’s easier just to tell me anything and everything I need to know from the beginning.
• I value your opinion. I really, really do – you went to medical school, and I didn’t. That being said, it’s my diabetes, and it’s different than anyone else’s diabetes. I live with it 24/7/365. So, as long as I’m not doing something like trying to take myself off of insulin, please respect my decisions (if I’m trying to take myself off of insulin, call my mom and get me to the looney bin). If I want to try a new pump or become a vegan, let me try it (actually, my current endo is great about this, but I hear lots of stories).  And no, I’m not vegan. I love cheese, and bacon.
• I try. Really, really hard. But sometimes I just want to feel normal, and so I let diabetes slide to the way-way-way back burner.
• I’m scared. Of highs, of lows, of the future. But, I press on, one unit at a time.
• Having a support system and resources like the diabetes online community (DOC) can do more for me than any doctor’s visit (except they can’t write me a prescription). Please, please, please tell all of your patients about it.
• Test strips have taken over my life, I find them everywhere,  like on my husband’s back.
• Insulin does not work well as a perfume.
• There is a tremendous amount of guilt that surrounds this disease.
• I worry. A lot.
• Life is still so, so sweet.

What do I hope that my endo doesn’t see about my everyday life? Well.. this doesn’t apply nowadays, but back when I was first diagnosed, I would have been mortified if my endo had ever seen me making up every single sugar on my handwritten logs (using different colored pens and all).

I think that in the end, I’d be happy to share most everything else with my endo – because I hope that it could only help them to understand what it’s like to live with diabetes, hopefully resulting in more effective treatment for myself and others.