38.

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I wake up and my husband is leaning over my legs. He has a giant needle in his hand and the sharp tip is pushing against my thigh, almost breaking the skin.

“NO!” I scream.

This wasn’t a nightmare. This was my reality last night.

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He said I woke up because I was annoyed that I was sleeping in a pool of my own sweat. He asked me if I  had checked my blood sugar and I told him yes, a blatant lie. He asked me what it was. I didn’t know. This is when he took over.

He checked my blood sugar, I was 38. I was just thinking the other day how wonderful it was that I hadn’t seen a number in the 20′s or 30′s in quite a while. Streak ruined.

He said I was confused, and I was twitching.. like I do right before I go into a seizure. I wasn’t making sense. I guess I was also taking a stance against drinking my juice, too. I do sometimes get combative when I’m low, when I’m not giddy like a drunk. When he saw the twitching is probably when he grabbed the glucagon. When he tried to inject it is when I finally became vaguely aware of what was going on.

All in all, I drank three glasses of Simply Apple apple juice, each worth about 25 grams of carbs. I came up very, very slowly. 48 mg/dl 6 minutes later, 57 mg/dl 15 minutes later, 83 mg/dl 30 minutes later. Around two hours into the ordeal, I was finally at 117. Before I hit normal range, though, I gladly consumed a peanut butter bar, an ice cream sandwich (I needed something to cool my sweaty body), and a few kale and black bean tortilla chips (I have an obsession with tortilla chips when I’m low, which normally results in being high).

7:32am: 348 mg/dl. I took two units over a half hour once I got back in the 80′s. After everything I consumed, though, of course I got high. I had the low munchies. It’s unarguably a condition.

My point in all this? To get it off my chest. Today I’m scared. I’m tired (and continuing to get more tired). I’m emotional.. because lows like this always come full of guilt for me. Guilt that I had a brush with not waking up. Guilt that this happened at all. Guilt that John had to go through this and carry me through the night.

The guilt will subside and I will catch back up on sleep. I need to be thankful that John was there to help me (with zero complaints, ever, about anything, by the way. He’s amazing.), and was able to quickly mix up the glucagon, just in case.
Also, this shall serve as a reminder to get a new glucagon kit, stat.

balancing act.

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I’m going to be honest here. I’m not intending to complain or make diabetes sound like the worst thing in the entire world. But the truth is, I’ve been struggling.

Bottom line: sometimes I feel like it’s hard to strike a balance between taking care of my diabetes and taking care of the rest of my life’s obligations.

There are times where I just can’t seem the find the time to test my blood sugar, pre-bolus, eat a decent meal, correct, keep an eye on my dexcom, try to avoid getting low, blog, keep up with other blogs, attend diabetes-related events AND work, exercise, spend time with my husband, keep up with my house, walk my dog, pay my bills, have a social life.. You get the picture — and that’s not even the half of it. I know that I’m not the busiest person on this planet, and sometimes I can handle my load with ease. But most of the time, I feel like the more I focus on diabetes, the less I pay attention to the ‘normal life things,’ and vice-versa. Sometimes when I’m really involved with taking care of my diabetes, I feel like I eat/breathe/sleep blood sugars and insulin. Then, when I take a step back and try to focus on real life, I start to pretend I don’t even have diabetes.

I called my sister (also t1) this morning to complain, so we’re doing some things to help us both out.

  • We just downloaded the MySugr app. I’m not too familiar with it yet, but I think it will help hold me accountable and keep me organized. I have friends that say amazing things about this app, so I’m excited.
  • My sister and I plan on checking in weekly or bi-weekly to talk about things – life in general or diabetes. Whatever is on our minds. We talk daily in one form or another regardless, but I think having MySugr to reflect on will keep us both motivated.
  • I’m making time for the DOC and real life d-friends. I’m not going to let it stress me out — but it’s like medicine for me. The more in tune I am with the DOC, the more in tune I am with my diabetes.

Does anyone else feel like this? Even if you don’t have diabetes! What do you do to maintain that balance?

world diabetes day 2013

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In celebration of World Diabetes Day:

  • My pump woke me up at 2am, screaming “I HAVE NO INSULIN LEFT IN ME.” I replied, “ME NEITHER,” and tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but then I thought better of it and decided I didn’t want to be swimming in ketones come 6am.
  • I forgot to test my blood sugar until about 3 minutes ago! It was 78, so I win, but even with my CGM I try not to play that game. The more you know! (the better)

Happy Day to you all, here’s to hoping we can raise awareness in a few more people today.

i think i can. i know i can.

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I’m not really doing National Health Blog Post Month (30 posts in 30 days) this year, but I have been admiring some of the prompts, so I’d like to participate when I can.

Day 2 prompt (see.. I can’t even get to the prompts on the right day!) was this:

Write 3 lines that start with “I think I can…”

Then write 3 lines that start with “I know I can…”

I think I can always choose happiness.
I think I can 
do anything I put my mind to (with diabetes).
I think I can 
look at each blood sugar as a chance to maintain or improve.

I know I can always choose happiness.
I know I can
do anything I put my mind to (even with diabetes).
I know I can
look at each blood sugar as a chance to maintain or improve.

I just didn’t feel right about doing separate “I think I cans” (see “I know I can” #2).

ALSO, Diabetes Month Photo A Day. I’m behind.
Day 2 (check). Beautiful morning bike ride with the loves of my life? Check.

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Day 3 (snack). Cheating a bit and enjoying a deeee-licious buffalo chicken dip snack with friends and football. I always forget to take pictures before snack/meal is halfway gone.

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